Different Feelings At Different Stages Of life

Surprise! Surprise!!

2008-07-09T20:13:00.003+08:00

Hmm.. Still not forgetting abt the promise i made to u.... Yup... And never will... Anyways... Mid years result wasnt that bad!! at least i didnt screw up! and i improved!! Not bad.... Lols... Cant talk long... Damn post are getting shorter by the days... Haiz.. Oh yar... I got a scar on my head!!! beacuse of bball... Sprained an ankle... Also because of bballl... Damn....

Hmmm....

2008-06-17T10:21:00.002+08:00

I cant stop myself.... hmm... super tired now... didnt sleep for the whole of ytd... shit man... i really dunno what i want man... but yar... lets just leave it as i can t.... Haiz. Mids are coming and i am still like that... Screw it man... Lost....

Haiz

2008-04-20T16:22:00.002+08:00

Haiz... Is it supposed to feel this way?? I wonder why...

...

2008-04-17T20:56:00.004+08:00

Seriously.. What is wrong with the people this days? Haiz.. Dunno lar... seriously, people should be more snesitive to what they say to friends and what so ever... Just couldnt understand why in the world would u want to say hurtful stuff to ur friends.... Haiz.. Whatever lar... Not as though i am not used to it alrdy... Haiz... Freaking back injured again... Haiz.. Frisbee lor... Haiz... Heck of a game, heck of a fun but heck of a pain in the end... Haiz. Whatever lar.. Insignificant liao.. So why bother? haiz... Not as if it will affect anyone lor... Haiz... Losing my inner self again... Why? Dunno... Still in the process of figuring out... Haiz.. seriously, running is the only salvation i have.. So keep running man... So wat if injured? At least it numbs it... And numbs other elements too... Haiz... Yup... not that it matters anymore...

.......

2008-04-13T23:05:00.002+08:00

Dunno what to put as the title... Really.. Life has been very routine for me... Study Study Study Run Run Run Frisbee Frisbee Frisbee.... Recently just realised abt smth... It doesnt pay to make a mistake... Hell with it.... Move on?? If it was that easy... Want to run away... Like forever... From Everything And In PARTICULAR ONE FACT.... Why must it happen when the locations are so close? Seriously... Trying hard not to hate but ... 2.4 Km PB again.. Thanks to my ODAC friends... Motivation and training from them cos i really cant run at the track pace.... NS... Please come early... At least can run away from my problems... RUNNING IS THE DRUG BUT THE PAIN IS TOO GREAT TO BE NUMBED....

Problematic Times

2008-04-01T16:54:00.002+08:00

Haiz.. Broken Back due to consistent javelin throwing and napfa... shit... hurts like hell now... seriously.. Nothing else to say except the stress is building up again and A levels is just ard the corner.

Life with You Is Sure Wonderful... Wow... Profound Sia

Emo And STRESS Times

2008-03-21T18:50:00.005+08:00

Hmm... Long Time since i last updated my blog... But then, like has seriously taken its toll for the worse... Ok.. I really dunnno where to start... seriously... Life is seriosuly a mess now... JC life? Seriously regretted coming in... Why? Seriously filled with stressed... To think that i thought JC was fun in the first year... Seriously... What the hell man... Results for CT? Screwed... Freak lar... I really dunno how lar... Really starting to regret doing orientation... Haiz... furthurmore i am really worried that i cant do well for my A's lar... NTU is my dream... But that dream somehow feels so far away... Got severe hand shaking problems due to stress alrdy!! What the hell!!!! Really can't relax lar! Haiz... then as if my problems werent enough... you had to appear in my life! Althought i cant really cfm it but, hell, with u in my life it has seriously taken a toll on me... For all the times that u made me angry, made me laugh, make me worry for u, seriosuly i dun mind... amazingly u manage to move a big dumb boulder like me to understanding something deeper to life! Yup... @!$# but the sad thing is I am scared to take the first step at least until my A's are over.. But hell, ur appearance has made my life change... Shucks.... Body is starting to crumble too... Ankle and ligament are both injured... Seriously can really tell.... Run also must endure the Sharp Pain... Arrgh.. What the hell lar... I can't be bothered lar... As if the world will be lesser place without me... Back pain due to Javelin worse... Haiz.. Talking abt javelin... i think i will have to let go of it soon.. Studies seriously have to come first.. So goodbye to my wife the javelin... Haiz... Really thanks to Olivia.. She really was there for me when i was literally at the most down period of my life.. No expression can ever express the amount of gratitute i have for her... You are seriously a lighthouse lighting up my way when i am at the darkest moment!! Thanks olivia.... Also.. Yup of course not forgetting the PIG! Eh Pig lets work hard together for our results!! can de!! For our dreams!! Lets chiong!! Haiz... Got to mug liao.. Next post will be like erm... dunno when so keep a look out!!

random

2008-02-15T20:01:00.002+08:00

HAHA!!! Stress is building up and i am finally getting the momentum to study... I think... HAHA!! Anyways.. some stuff happened to me again... As usual... But i think that i have gotten the ms lar... haiz... but anyways.. hope that i am thinking clearly now!! HAHA.... Doesnt make sense!! HAHA

CNY

2008-02-06T22:25:00.000+08:00

After so long... Finally post a new post.. Hmm... A lot of things has happened along the way which has changed the way I look at things... But however, during the cause of the whole ardous journey, i am thankful that there was the existence of friends which manage to help me up when i was quite low.. Friends are the one most important thing which man kind should learn to appreciate, not friends which STAB YOU AT THE BACK but rather those who are always there to help their friends when they are down.. This i feel are the unsung heroes of our everyday life.... Haiz... Chinese new year is only like 1 and a half hour away, but i wonder is a happy chinese new year or an EMO chinese new year? Hmm... I wonder... Anyways, to my class 2t25 year 2008, my Own junior class 1t25PAE and to those who know me!!! HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

Stress!

2008-01-23T21:23:00.000+08:00

Arrgh!! Sch is beginning to suck tremendously for me... Plenty of homework, plenty of ???? during lectures and plenty of talk time with the special friend.. HAHA!! For those of u who wanna noe! Its for me to noe for u guys to find out!! HAHA!! haiz... anyways.. feeling the heat of academics already.. Freaking hell.. Feeling like mugging like nobody business!! HAHA!! Must learn to be a geek liao.. HAHA!! Anyways.. Yup because someone say i dun update the blog so i decided to update it!! HAHA... Oh yar... I never said that i was in love but all i am saying is that you are all I've been thinking abt recently!! HAHA... Feeling super Good because of U!!! HAHA

Miracles And Self Confidence....

2008-01-17T23:00:00.000+08:00

Hmm... In the past few days a lot of things have been happening.... But then... Nothing could beat something which happened!!! Haiz.. Due to some problems i cant publish it... But yup.. When the time is right i would definitely share it with u guys!!! Haha.. Hmm... Really nth to blog abt leh... Haha.. except the fact that i torn a leg muscle after doing level 0... haiz... Pain like crazy... but yar.... with the tremendous support frm my family and special one i am back!! MUAHAHA... Althought i am not supposed to run but then i am alrdy running... Haha.. K lar... I promised u that i will take care of myself so i will... You better Too k!! HAhA... Omg... I just found out that i really can do physics lar... HAHA... I managed to breeze thru the FA like i am a genius or smth... HAHA... Which i am ... HAHA... Anyways... Thats abt my life now lor... Chiong Hw... Catch up on stuff which i missed out during orientation... Spent quality time with.... HAHA... Yup... YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME!! Hmmm...

New Looks...

2007-12-28T21:34:00.008+08:00

Finally found a theme which i liked... Haha... A BIG BIG thank you to sheryl who helped me "renovate" my blog... Haha... Thank you!! Haha... Hmmm... blogging too darn early lar... Shit... Nothing much to write except the fact that i am mugging now!! Wat the hell.. Its the weekends and i am freaking mugging!! Haiz.. But wat to do... I am seriously losing out on a lot of stuff since orientation started... haha... hmm.. Hopefully you guys like the song cause i seriously can't think and find anyother song... Or rather... I feel like listening to this song... HAHA.... Yup... Thanks again Sheryl.. I owe You ONE!! AHAHA.... Well... Thats it for me today... Chaioz... Haha...
P:s/ VALERIE DUN THINK TOO MUCH!! HAHA

Whatever...

2007-12-28T21:34:00.007+08:00

Haiz... Today is saturday.. But it doesnt feel anything liek a saturday.. I am still feeling equally bored and sian... haha... Studied Econs in the morning.. Amazingly i can understand!! OMG... I am like a genius lar... Haha... "shudders" haha... watever lar.. then went for breakfast for a short while... Haha... Then came back had a long long talk with a close friend of mine... Yup... Sheryl... Haha... After today i found out something more abt her... She's freaking weird and funny lar.... haha... will die if you talk to her lar... die of laughter i mean... Haha... Well thats abt wat i did today... HAHA... But maybe i dun have the mood to blog lor.. haiz... cause something awkward happened just now which i do not wish to comment...

New hopes...

2007-12-28T21:34:00.006+08:00

HETIC HETIC HETIC... Thats all i can say.. Havent been blogging for quite some time alrdy.. because of orientation... Seriously orientation was heck of a fun!! but too bad its over alrdy and its high time to hit the books again... Haha... Oh Yar.. To everyone out there... Its over!!! Ivan is back to his normal self with nothing to worry abt!!! haha... Yes!!! Feeling super happy now... haha.. Everything is back to normal... Hmm..back to sch on the second day and i found out that i am seriously missing out on a lot of stuff... haha... Its like the teacher is talking glibberish or smth... Haha... Hell Seriously have a lot of catching up to do... Haha... Today was fun... Went to audi to help the councilors to handle the FSV stuff despite me not being part of the FSV crew... Then waited for sheryl who's in my IG to go for dinner... HAHA.... Super funny... we went to amk hub and it was like the suayest day of my life? Haha... I met a CJ teacher in AMK hub!! OMG.. How bad can that be? Haha... And sheryl met her former class mates on the bus and at amk hub... Haha.. today i found out that sheryl is seriously the funniest and the weirdest girl? haha.... then walked her back home.... haha... then walked home myself.. Freaking bus so many ppl... wah lao... damn sian lar on the bus... haha... anyways... tmr's the weekend!! YES!!! but i have to study.. Sian... Haiz...

Weekend Paradise??

2007-12-28T21:34:00.005+08:00

Hmm... weekends are here after almost a week of hectic working... Being a facil that is... With the weekends here, i can finally catch up on my much needed rest... but then again... reality still hit me so hard... Hmm.. wonder if ppl can even understand what i say... Never mind... the sad reality of it is that i have to catch up on my sch work... Physics especially since its my only sub which i am hoping to get an A... So... managed to study a bit on electric fields... Hmm.. So long of not touching my notes and everything has seriously taken a toll on me... I seriously need to refresh my memory on everything... OMG... wat the hell lar... must seriously start working on my studies alrdy... Hmm.. thinking abt wat benji told me ytd.. I am seriously wondering on how to go abt honouring my proise to him... Hmm... going to army early doesnt mean its bad... hmm... seriously contemplating on going in ASAP... Sorr benji but yar... haiz... parents nagging at me again... haiz... gotta go now... talk to u some other time... Cheers

Day3 Of orientation

2007-12-28T21:34:00.004+08:00

Day3... Orientation is getting tiring by the days and the experiences are geting more enjoyable... Hmm.. i really wonder if it is a good reward for the tireness which i get... Haiz.... Ok... today's orientation is at the Police academy whereby we had some super dirty and wet games? yup... And my IG... when to dunk me in the water and mud!!! My goodness... Its not that i dun like to get wet and dirty but this manner? My god... my fellow facils was like... Ivan... you are super "clean" man... ok... So was i supposed to answer that? but nevertheless, it was for the spirit of Cj... Rock on Cj and of course ROCK ON IG25!! Hmm.. with today's experience, i seriously think that friendship forged should be maintained for life cos its really precious... I dunno how to put in words but yar... it should be treasured and not be sacrificed over some small stuff... hmm.. today someone told me that i should NOT BE EMO ANYMORE!!! OMG!! I am trying so hard to do it... i need more time.. Haiz..... i want SLEEP! I really damn tired!!

First Day Of Sch....

2007-12-28T21:34:00.003+08:00

Sch has reopened... Hmm... wonder why do i feel so indifferent on the fact that sch is reopening?Hmmm.. Maybe i have seriously changed my thinking over the years? yup... But My thinking abt something would never change... Whatever lar... Its the new year... I should be happy!!! Hmm.. Yar right... Oh yar.. today is the first day of orientation.. Yup, when all the new J1s come into Cj and get " orientated".. I am in charge of IG 25... Which is very the best IG which i have made in the years? Omg... They are alrdy having an IG outing this fri!!! Omg.. are they bonded all wat? Hmm... Thats good... Kinda bring back memories of my 1st 3 months.... When we all came into Cj with a different feeling abt stuff... whatever it is... times has flown and i am in J2 now... Oh talking abt that... Basket I got the E block as my classroom? So isolated!! OMG!! Watever lar... One more year only... Tahan!! Hm... wonder if i am doing the right choice.... Abt it... Hmm.. I gtg again... Can't talk long... seriously very tired... try talking to u tmr!!

2008... New Hope New Dreams

2007-12-28T21:34:00.002+08:00

2008, a new year begins on a wrong foot? I dunno but just found out that i am seriously exhausting my body. With seriously sleep deprivation i seriously think i can't survive the orientation in one piece. ok... 2008, what do i plan to do... Get A for my A's in physics and Maths? Is it possible? Hope it's not... But whatever it is, i will work for it. Just met up with the odacers yesterday... then went paragon with jerome to recce for his shoes... Hmm.. he's interested in the GT2120, specially structured for the flat footed.... Oh and also , we met yang wei on the way back home... Came as a surprise cos we were just talking abt her and she kinda appeared there and then? Kinda freaky but yar... Ytd was a day which is filled with emotions and thoughts... As i was "enjoying" the last few hours of 2007, i thought through the series of events which happened throughout the year for me... Haiz.. I dunno lar... But yar.. everything is falling apart on the VERY FIRST DAY OF NEW YEAR? FAMILY especially.... Why does my mum always have to be so strict abt everything... I seriously dun understand.... Haiz... It really sucks to come home to a place whereby your mum alrdy has some prejudice against u.... Seriously.... I dunno wat to do... haiz... Really want to sort things out but then my mum is a stubborn person? haiz... what to do?

New Year Resolutions??

2007-12-28T21:34:00.001+08:00

Hmm.. Today is a first whereby i am blogging in a totally different environment... erm... technically i am using wireless at the oh so famous carls junior! Yup... I am blogging at carls junior... Planning to go catch a movie later then yup thats abt my new year celebrations? Haiz... New years coming and i still dun have a resolution... Cos.. I seriously dun see a need for resolution when i can't even fuifill a simple promise to a friend... So yar... New year and i am still feeling like damn emo? haiz... What should i do to forget you... Or rather... As my friend said to be accepted by you? My goodness... I really regret doing watever i did on the day... can you ever forgive me? I am willing to wait it out for you!!! Serious... Haiz... I gtg catch my movie liao... will catch up with u later....

Moments Of Happiness?

2007-12-28T21:34:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. 2 days has past since i last entered the blog.. Oh, the blog underwent some major renovations and yup, this is the new designs... Really want to thank Jerome for helping me with the blog skin and everything... Thank You Jerome!! Ok... Back to my emo personal life... haiz... Ytd was the start of Facil training, can say that facil training is probably the best one i had since i left Sec sch? Yup... We played a lot of games which was ... erm.... cool? Yup, like twisted jacobs ladder??? yup... But then again the main thing was that we had fun... but you noe some thing ironic? I can be so cheerful when i am ard my friends but then, the moment i am alone i would really start thinking abt stuff? Ytd was one of the rare moments which i had the urge to cry out loud.. but i can't do it... haiz... Oh yar, managed to break through my 2.4 km timing!! Considering that i have not ran for like... 2months? Quite an achievement for me... But then again... I injure myself in the process... Technically it wasn't my fault cos my shoe is so worn out that it doesn't provide the required support anymore? haiz.. whatever it is.. it has seriously caused my heel to be very very sore.... i can't walk properly... Haiz... Today tried to run but, hell, my heel feels like it would give way any moment... haiz... Oh and i also bleed for no apparent reason.. but today had heck of a fun... Managed to get random ppl drenched to the core.. Random ppl like nicole, Matt, roderick, justin... yup.. just to name a few... But today's experience was far better then ytd... But, seriously i still can't get over her? Some one told me that its seriously bad if i still hang on to something for too long? But wat to do? I am really emo abt it and yar... i just dun forget and commit so easily? hmmm.. Today i really have to cut short on my blog but i will write more nxt time! cheers....

Days Of Despair

2007-12-26T21:32:00.000+08:00

Hmm... Today, a brand new day... thinking abt wat happened ytd.. i was truely amazed that i actually promised someone to be back to normal by sch reopen... Hmm.. well, since i have alrdy promised someone then well, by hook or by crook i have to honour my promise right? haiz... So today a brand new day, went to celebrate mum's birthday, had dinner together and wanted to get her a birthday cake but then, she insisted on not getting one... Save money she says... Haha... Ok... So the fact is that today i am feeling slightly better, althought i can't fairly say that i have gotten over it but yar, i am trying to get over it... Hmm, MIA for training for damn long until HY complaining abt not letting him noe where i have been... Haha... Damn funny... But watever.. Today, nothing much happened, got some presents for my 3 sons over at chiangrai; Aphisak, Sompod and kattichai... God do i miss them.. I really hope that i can go back nxt year after my A's... Haiz... As of now, there is another 6 more days to sch reopen... Haha... kinda having mixed feelings abt this... happy and sad... haha, can't elaborate more... got to go run!! Haha... Cya!!

Wonderful Memories

2007-12-25T20:40:00.001+08:00

Emo...

2007-12-25T19:22:00.001+08:00

I shouldn't love you but I want to I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop
(Chorus)
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

(Chorus)

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

(chorus)

Confused!

2007-12-25T18:33:00.001+08:00

Today is the first day and second post on this new blog system.. Haiz.. i seriously need help on such blogging stuff lar... wth... anywayz.. I am starting to hate myself for some decision which i made in the past few weeks.... ok firstly, i kinda got infactuated with this girl called A, but then deep down somewhere,my heart is asking me to not give up on this particular girl called B... Haiz... I noe nothing is gonna come out of it but then i really want to give it a shot but dunno how? Omg B if u are reading this please forgive me... I have seriously done so many dumb things in the past few weeks that i really wanna just end my life here... But then again i really think that i am more or less set on you and that i will wait to death for you? Omg, can you ever forgive me? Haiz... Sorry A, but the conversion never took place and i am an asshole i know... But at ong's hse ytd i been thinking abt it alot, yar... Christmas day = New Resolution and New thinking... So i have decided... Althought i am the biggest jerk in town, i still wanna go For you B!!!! Haiz... There is seriously a song which can describe my feelings right now... haiz... but thats one thing which i always have problem with.... liking someone and infactuated with someone... B, the fact that i say i want to wait it out it because, i feel different... Its the first time i ever had such a feeling!! From a Guys school and this is wat i get? Wth... But yar, i am fairly sure that this isnt an infactuation anymore.. Its more than that.... haiz... Wat to do... Matters of the hearts are seriously hard to say.. So To B i am Sorry! haiz...

Emo Times

2007-12-25T16:08:00.001+08:00

Haiz... a very new piece of post after like so long.. Seriously, i dont blog so often and hence explains this. But this time i seriously need to blog before i really go crazy. Firstly, i really dunno wat to do now... Down with severe vommitting and high fever, still doing xtreme physical training despie doctors advice. Seriously, i think i am really losing myself in the mess i created. But what to do, i really think that its real and that i really want to fight for it.. But, i get so many negative feedbacks from ur friends and everyone that even the strongest person would crumble... hopefully, you are not reading this cos it would be the most personal though i have even written. Haiz, i really dun want to give up! Seriously, you are all the world to me! When you told me u can feel it, i was seriously very happy... dun ask me why but yar... haiz... then you told me abt the him and i told you that i would wait out for you.. but... now.... haiz... I really think i would die on the way to mount k llar... despite so many advices on still thinking abt it, i still can't do it... I dunno but as a guy from a guy school, matters of the heart seriously sucked, i can't conduct myself well.. Haiz... I am really starting to give up on my life and am considering the fact that if any of my friends should see my physical state now whereby i am totally weak to an extend whereby i can faint twice.... haiz... nothing to say... Haiz... Seriously considering the fact that going to mount k might be a one way ticket for me... Going there alive but coming back in a box... haiz... this i hope wouldn't be a last post from me.... Hopefully... Cya! god Bless

Posted- 15dec 2007

Experiences

2007-12-25T16:07:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Back from Mount K and HongKong. Yup, the first time i did a transit from kota kinabalu to hongkong... But then again i had a near death experience which seriously changed my opinion on some stuff. Firstly, On Mount K, I SERIOUSLY did think about the problem at hand. But i still can't figure out a way to solve it. Help Me god!! Seriously, I am still in a dilemma, how? Any suggestion from the floor? Haiz... I almost died on the mountain... Almost slipped down the cliff.. Thanks to my wandering mind... And thanks to my friends who managed to save my ass i would have gone to see my creator... but its freaky cold up there, haha... Almost like heaven... Haha,missing the element of the creator only. Haiz... I really want to die.. How? Oh and hongkong was fun althought the mood isn't there... Haiz... I really think that it sucks to like someone... Haha... But its kinda sweet? Haha a bit irony right? Haha... How? Should i Let her noe abt it? Haiz.... OK... Thats abt it today.. Got to go zzz liao... Catch up with u tmr

Posted- 23 dec 2007

Christmas...

2007-12-25T13:20:00.000+08:00

Its christmas today... Haiz.. Should have been a perfect christmas if so many things hadn't happened... haiz... I seriously think that up there there is someone who seriously hates me lar.. Haiz.. Everything for me hasn't been very smooth sailing... And i dunno y... Haiz... so today on christmas day "countdown" went out with my "brother" Aka Da Ge- ong, Flower Crazy girl- Sophiana, Aunty- Jessica(Haha), Clubber- Charmaine, Childhood boy- Benji... yup... Well.. It wasn't really a countdown party as we really didn't had a certain time to countdown to as different ppl had different times so yar... Haha, we kinda expected the ppl standing outside to start cheering before knowing thats its christmas... Haha.. Funny right.. But some things happened after that.. There was some kind of fight going on outside which i thought its damn stupid cos its like christmas and there they are spoiling the christmas mood for themselves... wat total jerks they are... haiz.. anywayz... still feeling like shit today despite it being christmas... haiz... So many things to bother before the terms starts... Can't imagine if sch reopens how bad would it be.. haiz... Anywayz... i going to shower soon!! Catch up with you ppl soon....
Posted- 24 dec 2007

Moving "House"

2007-12-25T13:18:00.000+08:00

Hi Guys!! This is the new blog page which i would be using already!! Haha... Please tag k!! I will be shifting everything here as in the previous post!! Haha Blog later got to go celebrate!! Haha Merry Christmas!!